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This guide is for anyone who's heard "top," "bottom," "vers," or "side" and wants a clear, judgment-free explanation — whether you're figuring out your own preferences or just trying to understand what a partner or friend means.
⏱ 11 min read
Quick Answer
In the context of penetrative sex, a top usually prefers to penetrate, and a bottom usually prefers to be penetrated. The vocabulary also includes vers (someone who may enjoy both roles) and side (someone who doesn't center anal penetration in their sex life). None of these labels reliably predict personality, masculinity or femininity, sexual orientation, or who holds more power in a relationship — and nobody has to pick one, or keep the same label forever.
| 📌 Key Takeaways ● Top penetrates, bottom receives, vers may enjoy both, and side steps outside the penetration-centered framework entirely. ● These labels describe a preference within specific activities — they don't reliably predict personality, appearance, dominance, or sexual orientation. ● Top/bottom and dominant/submissive answer different questions; a top can be submissive, and a bottom can be dominant. ● Preferences can stay stable for years or shift over time — a changed preference doesn't make an earlier label dishonest. ● Ask directly rather than assume — a single word never tells the whole story. |
Have you ever come across the words "top" and "bottom" on a dating profile, or in a conversation with friends, and quietly wondered what they actually mean? Behind these two words sit questions of identity, communication, and a fair number of common misconceptions. This guide tries to lay it all out clearly.
What Does Top or Bottom Mean?
The meaning is straightforward: a top usually takes the penetrative role, while a bottom usually takes the receptive role. A vers person may enjoy either. These terms describe preferences within sexual activities — often anal sex — and they don't automatically define someone's personality, masculinity or femininity, sexual orientation, or who holds more power between partners.
A 2025 study of sexual minority men found that top, bottom, and versatile self-labels were indeed associated with insertive, receptive, or combined anal-sex roles. But the researchers also noted that sexual attraction, behavior, and other characteristics only poor-to-moderately predicted a person's chosen label — so these terms work better as conversation starters than as complete descriptions.
Top, Bottom, Vers, and Side at a Glance
| Role | General meaning | Important clarification |
| Top | Usually prefers the penetrative role | Doesn't automatically mean dominant |
| Bottom | Usually prefers the receptive role | Doesn't automatically mean submissive |
| Vers | May enjoy both roles | Preference may vary by partner or situation |
| Side | Generally doesn't center anal penetration | May enjoy many other forms of intimacy |
In one line: top penetrates, bottom receives, vers may enjoy both, and side steps outside the penetration-centered framework altogether.
Top vs. Bottom: What's the Difference?
In the context of anal sex, a top usually takes the insertive role and a bottom usually takes the receptive one. How exactly these words get used can vary across communities and between partners — a label might describe a long-standing preference, or just "the plan for tonight."
Neither label tells you who initiates, who sets the pace, or who has more experience. A bottom can absolutely guide angle and depth; a top can absolutely prefer the other person to lead. Ask, rather than assume.
What Does Vers Mean?
Vers is short for versatile. In discussions of anal-sex roles, it generally means someone is open to both topping and bottoming. A vers top enjoys both but tends to lean toward topping; a vers bottom enjoys both but tends to lean toward bottoming.
Being vers isn't a promise to switch on demand. Comfort, health, desire, compatibility, and context can all shape the choice in the moment — and whatever the label, consent still applies to every activity, every time.
What Is a Side?
A side generally doesn't make anal penetration a focus of their sex life and tends to prefer other forms of intimacy. Side isn't another word for top, bottom, or vers — it steps entirely outside that three-part framework.
The term gave gay men who didn't identify with top/bottom/vers expectations a clearer option, though its use has since broadened. Sex therapist Joe Kort, who coined the term in 2013, describes it as an alternative for gay men who don't center anal penetration.
Top vs. Dominant, Bottom vs. Submissive
Top/bottom and dominant/submissive answer different questions entirely. Top and bottom usually describe what happens physically during penetration. Dominant and submissive describe an agreed-upon power dynamic, which might involve directing, following, control, service, or role-play.
A top can absolutely be submissive, and a bottom can absolutely be dominant — the two sets of labels aren't tied together. Similarly, vers usually refers to flexibility in the penetrative role, while switch usually refers to moving between dominant and submissive roles.
Do Sexual Roles Define Personality or Appearance?
No. A sexual-role label doesn't reliably tell you how someone dresses, speaks, carries themselves, or relates to others. The assumption that "tops are masculine, bottoms are feminine" takes a practical preference and forces it into a stereotype — some people may fit that image, but labeling someone based on looks or guesswork is both narrow-minded and potentially hurtful.
Some people do connect their role with their identity, but that connection is personal, not a general rule. Accept the description someone gives you without turning it into a full personality profile. This kind of information is also fairly private: unless someone brings it up themselves, don't ask friends or acquaintances whether they top or bottom.
Can Your Preferred Role Change?
Yes. A preference can stay consistent for years, shift gradually, or even vary by situation. Comfort, curiosity, body changes, trust, mood, and the dynamics of a particular relationship can all affect what someone wants at a given time.
A changing preference doesn't make an earlier label dishonest. Labels describe a current preference — they're not a signed contract. Being undecided, or simply not using a label at all, is just as valid.
Do Top and Bottom Roles Determine Sexual Orientation?
No. No single behavior, position, or sensation determines sexual orientation on its own. Sexual orientation is about patterns of attraction and identity, while top, bottom, vers, and side describe preferences within specific activities. The American Psychological Association similarly distinguishes sexual orientation from gender identity and social gender role.
Pegging is a useful example here. In a heterosexual partnership, one partner might wear a strap-on while the other receives penetration. The penetrating partner could describe themselves as topping and the receiving partner as bottoming — but neither label automatically changes who either person is attracted to, or how they identify. They might also choose entirely different words to describe the experience. This example shows why behavior, role, attraction, and identity are four separate things worth discussing on their own terms.
It's also worth saying plainly: anal sex itself doesn't change who someone is attracted to. If you weren't gay before, experiencing anal pleasure or orgasm doesn't make you gay now. Behavior and identity remain two different things.
What Is Pegging?
Pegging refers to a partner wearing a strap-on to anally penetrate the other person — and it's not limited to any particular gender pairing. Anyone can wear the harness, and anyone can be on the receiving end, though the term is often associated with a woman penetrating a male partner.
For many couples curious about trying it, the hesitation usually isn't about technique — it's about what it might "mean." The honest answer is: it doesn't have to mean anything in particular. Enjoying pegging doesn't change either partner's sexual orientation, and it doesn't need a top/bottom label attached to it at all — you can simply be exploring what feels good together.
If you do decide to try it, the same basic principles from elsewhere in this guide apply:
● Start with a smaller, slimmer toy that fits comfortably and securely in the harness
● Use plenty of lubricant on both the receiving partner's anus and the toy
● Go slowly, keep communicating before and during, and stay attentive to your partner's reactions
● Get clear consent before starting rhythmic movement, and keep checking in on pace, depth, and comfort throughout
● Clean the toy according to the manufacturer's instructions, especially if it's shared between partners or body areas
For more detailed guidance on preparation, gear, and safety, see the dedicated BEISAR Pegging Guide.
How to Talk About Sexual Roles With a Partner
Start with preferences, not assumptions. "What do you enjoy?", "Is anything off the table?", and "How should we communicate during?" reveal a lot more than a single-word label ever could. The CDC recommends discussing sexual health before sex, including STI testing and protection.
Worthwhile topics include:
● What each person wants, might consider, or doesn't want to try
● Who wants to guide pace, depth, or position
● What words or signals mean "pause" or "stop"
● Barrier preferences, recent STI testing, and boundaries around sharing toys
● Whether a role label describes a usual preference or just tonight's plan
Compatibility doesn't require "opposite" labels. Two tops or two bottoms can just as easily find nonpenetrative activities they both want, negotiate occasional flexibility, or agree on a different structure entirely — and they can also honestly conclude their needs don't match. Honest incompatibility beats coerced compromise, every time.
Comfort, Consent, and Safer Anal Play
Consent needs to be clear, voluntary, specific, and ongoing — anyone can change their mind at any point. Start slowly, check in throughout, and stop for sharp pain, significant bleeding, numbness, panic, or anything that just feels wrong. Severe or persistent symptoms warrant medical attention.
Because the anus doesn't produce its own lubrication, use plenty of it, and pay attention to compatibility between lubricant, condoms, and toy materials: the CDC advises water-based lubricant with latex condoms, since oil-based products can weaken latex. Cleveland Clinic likewise recommends adequate lubrication, gradual pacing, trimmed nails, ongoing communication, and cleaning toys before they touch another partner or body area.
Only use anal toys with a flared base, handle, or other retrieval-safe structure, and clean them according to the manufacturer's instructions. When a toy moves between partners or body areas, clean it and switch barriers where appropriate; the BEISAR Toy Sharing Guide offers a practical checklist.
No product makes any activity completely risk-free.
Choosing the Role That Feels Right for You
Choose language that helps you communicate, not language that pressures you to perform. Ask yourself whether you enjoy penetrating, receiving, both, or you're simply not sure yet — and know that the answer can shift depending on the situation. You can also just say "I'm still figuring it out," or describe the specific activity you want, without adopting a label at all.
Knowing and being able to express your identity and preferences clearly can make it easier to relax and explore — and that sense of ease and safety is really the foundation for enjoying intimacy and discovering what feels good to you. If you're considering anal toys, prioritize shape, control, and retrieval safety over size or intensity.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does top mean sexually?
A top usually prefers the penetrative role, especially in anal sex. The label doesn't mean this person is necessarily dominant, more active, more masculine, or responsible for every decision. Asking the individual directly is always the most accurate approach.
What does bottom mean sexually?
A bottom usually prefers the receptive role. "Receptive" doesn't mean passive or submissive — a bottom can absolutely initiate, set boundaries, guide pace and depth, or hold a dominant position in the relationship. The label describes position, not a full personality.
What does vers mean sexually?
Vers is short for versatile, and generally means someone may enjoy both topping and bottoming. A vers top tends to lean toward topping; a vers bottom tends to lean toward bottoming. Being vers doesn't obligate anyone to try both roles, switch on demand, or agree to any particular activity.
What is a side sexually?
A side generally prefers sex that doesn't center anal penetration. Side isn't a synonym for top, bottom, or vers — it recognizes that people can have fully satisfying sexual and intimate experiences through many activities without fitting into a penetration-based role at all.
Is a bottom always submissive? Can a top be submissive?
Not necessarily. Bottom/top describe receptive/insertive roles, while submissive/dominant describe power dynamics. A bottom can absolutely be the dominant partner, and a top can absolutely be submissive. Position, pace, control, boundaries, and aftercare are usually worth discussing separately rather than assuming one label answers all of it.
Can a straight man be a bottom?
A straight man can absolutely enjoy the receptive role. Whether he personally uses the word "bottom" to describe himself is entirely up to him. A single behavior doesn't determine sexual orientation — attraction and self-identification are the broader picture, and only the person involved can choose the language that fits.
Can two tops or two bottoms be compatible?
Yes, as long as they find activities they both want and neither feels pressured into an unwanted role. They might enjoy nonpenetrative sex, negotiate occasional flexibility, or agree on a different relationship structure. They might also discover their needs genuinely don't align — and honest incompatibility is healthier than a coerced compromise.
Can your preferred sexual role change?
Yes. Sexual-role preferences can stay stable or shift with comfort, health, curiosity, trust, partners, and circumstances. A change in preference doesn't make an earlier label a lie. The most accurate definition is always the one someone gives when describing their current preference.
Medical Disclaimer
This article is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. If you have pain, symptoms, STI concerns, allergies, injury, or any medical condition, consult a qualified healthcare professional before using adult wellness products or changing your sexual health practices.
References
● Westmoreland et al. — Dismantling Stereotypes About Being Top, Versatile, or Bottom: Sexual Minority Men's Anal Sex Position Identity (2025, PMC12353918)
● Psychology Today — Joe Kort, "Gay Sides: How Language Frees Us to Be Ourselves"
● American Psychological Association — Understanding Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality
● CDC — Conversation Tips (STI Awareness)
● CDC — Condom Use: An Overview
● Cleveland Clinic — Is Anal Sex Safe?
About the Author
JoyAnario is a sexual health writer with 3 years of experience covering anal wellness, sex education, pleasure products, and LGBTQ+ intimacy. This article was reviewed by BEISAR Editorial Team.
Last Updated: [2026-9-4]
