Best Anal Toys for Couples: A Guide to Shared Control

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This guide is for couples — same-room or long-distance — who want to explore anal toys together and share control of the experience. Whether you're picking your first partner-controlled toy or deciding between a simple remote and an app, this article covers what actually matters for both partners.
⏱ 10 min read

Quick Answer

There's no single “best” anal toy for couples — the right pick depends on what each partner enjoys, whether one or both partners want stimulation, and how you want to control it together. Couples in the same room often do well with a simple physical remote; long-distance couples need an app that specifically supports internet-based control. Beyond stimulation type (prostate, fullness, perineal, or penile/testicular), the real deciding factors are safety (a flared base or other retrieval feature), how easily the receiving partner can signal “more, less, or stop,” and whether both partners are comfortable with the technology involved.

Choosing anal toys for couples is not simply about finding a toy with more vibration modes or more advanced technology. The better question is: what does each partner enjoy, what kind of stimulation do you want to share, and how do you want to control the experience together?
For some couples, that means one partner controls an anal toy while the other receives the stimulation. For long-distance couples, it may mean using an app to create shared pleasure even when they are physically apart.
For gay couples and other male couples, the choice may also involve specific preferences such as prostate stimulation, anal fullness, perineal stimulation, penile-base stimulation, or testicular sensitivity.
That is why the right couples toys should be chosen around the couple, not simply around the technology. Comfort, safety, easy operation, partner control, and the ability to communicate should all be part of the decision. If shared anal play is new territory for you as a couple, our guide to first-time anal sex is a good place to start before adding remote control into the mix.

What Makes a Good Anal Toy for Couples? Key Factors to Consider

A good anal toy for couples should satisfy both partners, not just the person receiving the stimulation. Before choosing a toy, consider:
•    What each partner enjoys: Does the receiving partner prefer prostate stimulation, vibration, pressure, fullness, or another sensation?
•    Whether both partners want stimulation: Some couples want one partner to receive anal stimulation while the other also enjoys penile, perineal, or testicular stimulation.
•    How the toy is controlled: A simple remote may work well for couples in the same room, while an app may be more useful for long-distance couples.
•    How easy it is to adjust: The controlling partner should be able to increase, decrease, pause, or stop stimulation without complicated controls.
•    Safety and retrieval: An anal toy should have a flared base, handle, or another appropriate retrieval feature.
•    How both partners communicate: Before play begins, agree on how to slow down, change settings, or stop.
The most important feature is therefore not the number of modes. It is whether the toy gives both partners a comfortable and understandable way to participate.
Planned Parenthood's anal toy safety guidance recommends using plenty of lubricant with anal toys and choosing a toy with a flared base or another retrieval-safe feature (Planned Parenthood Sex Toy Guide).

Which Type of Anal Toy Fits Your Couple? A Quick Reference

Once you know your priorities, this can help you translate them into what to actually look for:

Why Shared Control Can Make Couples Play More Interesting

Shared control adds another layer to the experience because one person is feeling the stimulation while the other person is controlling or adjusting it.
That creates a continuous interaction:
control → sensation → reaction → adjustment → anticipation
The receiving partner may not know exactly what change comes next, while still having clear limits and a way to pause or stop — it's controlled surprise within agreed boundaries, not unpredictability for its own sake.
At the same time, the controlling partner does not automatically know how every change will feel. They have to pay attention to their partner's reactions, ask questions, and adjust accordingly. That attentiveness is what can make partner-controlled play feel more playful and intimate.

Shared Control for Long-Distance Couples

This dynamic can be particularly interesting for couples who live in different cities or countries. The controlling partner can't directly see their partner's reaction from a distance, so the two often rely on messages, voice, or video instead — and clear limits and a stop signal matter just as much here as they do in person.
That combination of anticipation, communication, and distance can turn a connected toy into more than a device for stimulation. But relationship intimacy does not come automatically from technology — the value comes from how the two partners communicate, respond, and participate, not from the toy itself.
RAINN describes consent as clear, voluntary, ongoing, and something that can be withdrawn at any time.

How to Choose an Anal Toy Based on What Both Partners Enjoy

Before comparing remotes, apps, or vibration modes, start with the most important question: what does each partner actually enjoy?
There is no single type of anal stimulation that works for every person.

Prostate Stimulation

For men and people with a prostate, prostate stimulation may be an important consideration when choosing an anal toy.
Some people enjoy pressure or vibration around the prostate, while others prefer a general feeling of fullness or movement.
If prostate stimulation is the main goal, pay attention to the toy's shape, size, and stimulation area instead of simply choosing the toy with the strongest vibration.

Anal Fullness and Pressure

Some people enjoy the feeling of being filled or gradually stretched.
For these users, the toy's starting size, shape, flexibility, and insertion profile may matter more than the number of vibration patterns.
A partner-controlled toy can add another element because the controlling partner can make gradual changes while paying attention to the receiving partner's response.

Perineal Stimulation

The perineum — the area between the anus and genitals — can also be sensitive.
Some couples may therefore prefer a toy that combines internal anal stimulation with external contact.
This can be particularly relevant for male couples who enjoy exploring several sensitive areas at the same time.

Penile or Testicular Stimulation

The experience does not necessarily have to focus only on the receiving partner's anus.
Some couples may want the receiving partner to experience anal stimulation together with stimulation around the penis, penile base, or testicles. This is one reason it is useful to think about where both partners enjoy stimulation before choosing an anal toy.
The goal is not to find the toy with the most features. It is to find a design that matches the sensations both partners actually want.

Remote Control vs App Control for Couples

Once you know what kind of stimulation you want, the next question is how you want to control it. The choice between a physical remote and an app is less about which technology is “better” and more about where and how the couple wants to use the toy — starting with whether you're physically together or long distance.

Same Room: Physical Remote

For couples who are in the same room, a physical remote control is often the simplest option. One partner can hold the remote, change the intensity, and immediately see or hear the receiving partner's reaction — without taking out a phone or opening an app. For same-room couples, this can keep attention on the partner rather than the technology.
There is less setup involved, and the couple does not need to rely on a phone or internet connection. The main limitation is range: a traditional remote is generally designed for nearby use, and the exact range depends on the product and environment.

Long Distance: App Control

For long-distance couples, a traditional physical remote usually cannot provide the same experience because the controller needs to be nearby. This is where app-connected sex toys become useful — if the product and app support long-distance partner control, one partner may be able to control the toy from another location.
An app-connected toy does not automatically support long-distance control. Bluetooth pairing and app control are not the same thing as internet-based remote control — check the specific product and app specifications before assuming a toy will work across distance.
When it is supported, it creates a different kind of shared experience: the receiving partner may not know exactly what change comes next, while the controlling partner waits for their partner's reaction — with the same agreed limits and stop signal that apply to any partner-controlled play.
Beyond the internet-control question, app-connected toys also introduce a few other practical considerations:
•    Phone compatibility
•    Bluetooth or internet connection
•    App permissions
•    Account requirements
•    Software updates
•    Privacy settings
Couples should test the app and connection before using the toy. Most importantly, the receiving partner should still have a clear way to stop the experience if the connection fails.

How Gender and Sexual Orientation Can Affect Toy Choice

The right anal toy should be chosen according to individual anatomy and preference, not simply gender or sexual orientation — but different couples may naturally have different priorities.

Anal Toys for Gay Couples and Male Couples

For gay couples and other male couples, prostate stimulation can be an important consideration, alongside anal fullness, internal vibration, perineal stimulation, penile-base or testicular stimulation, or a combination of internal and external sensations.
One couple may prefer one partner receiving anal stimulation while the other controls the toy and watches their reactions; another may want stimulation for both partners at once. There is no single “gay couple” experience — the important question is where each partner enjoys stimulation and how those preferences work together.

For Male-Female Couples

The same principle applies: either partner may enjoy anal stimulation, and either partner may control the toy if the design allows it. The same questions from earlier still apply — who's receiving, which areas are most sensitive, whether the other partner wants stimulation too, and whether you're together or long distance — rather than assumptions based on gender.

How to Make Partner Control Feel Natural

Once you have chosen the toy and control method, the next challenge is keeping the experience simple. Technology should support the experience rather than interrupt it.

1. Agree on the Controls

Before starting, decide:
•    Who controls the toy?
•    Which settings can be changed?
•    Can control switch between partners?
•    What does “more” mean? What does “less” mean?
•    What signal means “stop”?

2. Start With a Comfortable Setting

The controlling partner does not need to start at the strongest setting. Start low enough for the receiving partner to understand the sensation and communicate how it feels.

3. Change One Thing at a Time

Changing several settings simultaneously can make it difficult to know what the receiving partner actually likes. Try changing one variable, wait for feedback, and then decide what to do next.

4. Pay Attention to Your Partner

Partner control should not mean controlling without listening. Simple questions can keep both partners involved: “More?” “Less?” “Keep it there?” “Want to stop?” This turns control into a form of communication rather than simply operating a device.

5. Stop When Asked

If either partner says stop, stop. A shared-control experience only works when both people can change their minds at any time.

Safety Tips for Partner-Controlled Anal Toys

Partner control can make anal play more interactive, but the basic safety principles still matter.

1. Choose an Anal-Safe Design

An anal toy should have a flared base, handle, or another appropriate retrieval feature. Planned Parenthood recommends choosing anal toys with a flared base or another feature that prevents the toy from becoming difficult to retrieve.

2. Use Enough Lubricant

The anal canal does not produce enough natural lubrication for comfortable penetration, so additional lubricant is important for comfortable anal play. Use a lubricant compatible with the toy and follow the manufacturer's instructions for the specific material. Planned Parenthood recommends using lubricant for anal sex and anal toy use and checking lubricant compatibility with condoms and sex toys.

3. Increase Intensity Gradually

More intensity is not automatically better. Give the receiving partner time to adjust before increasing vibration, movement, or pressure.
Stop if there is pain, sharp discomfort, significant bleeding, numbness, or anything that feels wrong.

4. Keep the Receiving Partner in Control of Their Limits

Even if one partner has the remote or app, the receiving partner should always be able to communicate more, less, pause, or stop. Partner control should never mean giving up the ability to set limits.

5. Clean Shared Toys Properly

If the toy is shared between partners, clean it according to the manufacturer's instructions. When appropriate, use a fresh barrier between users.
Planned Parenthood notes that sharing sex toys can transmit infections and recommends cleaning toys between users or using condoms on toys (Planned Parenthood Sex Toy Guide).

FAQ About Anal Toys for Couples

What are the best anal toys for couples?

The right anal toy depends on what both partners enjoy. Consider the receiving partner's preferred sensations, whether both partners want stimulation, how the toy is controlled, and whether you need nearby or long-distance partner control.

Are anal toys good for gay couples?

Yes. Anal toys can be part of sexual play for gay couples and other male couples. Depending on individual preferences, couples may explore prostate stimulation, anal fullness, perineal stimulation, penile-base stimulation, or testicular stimulation.

What are couples toys?

Couples toys are sex toys designed to involve two partners in a shared sexual experience. Some allow one partner to control the toy while the other receives stimulation, while others are designed to stimulate both partners.

What is partner control, and can one partner control the toy for the other?

Partner control means one partner controls or adjusts a sex toy while the other partner receives the stimulation, using remote or app control that both partners have agreed to. Before starting, establish control limits, communication signals, and a clear stop method — the receiving partner should always have a way to pause or stop.

Can remote control or app-connected toys work for long-distance couples?

A traditional physical remote generally has a limited nearby range, so it doesn't work for long-distance couples on its own. App-connected toys can work for long distance, but only when the specific product and app support internet-based partner control — Bluetooth pairing alone is not the same thing, so check this before assuming a toy will work remotely, and consider phone compatibility, connection reliability, and privacy settings.

Do couples need an app, or is a physical remote enough?

A physical remote can be enough for couples who are together — it's usually simple and immediate. An app becomes more useful when couples want additional control options, pattern selection, or long-distance interaction.

What should couples look for in an anal toy?

Look for an anal-safe retrieval design, a comfortable starting size and shape, suitable materials, lubricant compatibility, easy controls, and a stimulation style that both partners enjoy.

Medical Disclaimer

This article is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. If you experience persistent pain, significant bleeding, injury, allergic reactions, or other concerning symptoms, consult a qualified healthcare professional.

References

•    Planned Parenthood — Sex Toys
•    Planned Parenthood — What's Anal Sex? What Are the Risks of It?
•    RAINN — Consent 101: Respect, Boundaries, and Building Trust

About the Author

WilliamsCiveen is a product specialist with 2 years of experience in researching anal sex toys. This article was reviewed by BEISAR Editorial Team. 
Last Updated: [2026-9-24]